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Why Do Women Cheat When They Are Married?

I struggled with writing this blog, but after thinking long and hard… decided to write it any ways. My fan, which shall remain nameless, told me her story and asked me to write about her plight, so everyone could understand how affairs do happen.

She was in a long term marriage with a man she loved, but the sex just wasn’t good anymore and was few and far between. She had a high sex drive and practiced self-love. One day she met a man, and they had lunch together. He was younger than her, but she was very attractive and always had a way with men. They saw each other for six months before anything happened sexually. He suggested it and she always remembered her marriage vows and rejected him. He was wealthy, gorgeous and began falling in love with her. He had lost his wife to cancer five years prior to their meeting. He found a place in her heart, and they started a tumultuous affair. It was exciting and fantastically fulfilling sexually for both at first, but it didn’t last long. Reality set in and he became jealous of her husband and her time away from him. She felt conflicted and exceedingly guilt ridden. He pressured her to make a choice between him and her husband. He wanted a life with her, and she wanted an affair. In her mind, there was never any intention of her leaving her husband, but she began to fall in love with him. It was an awful triangle filled with deceit and anger. She went away with him for a couple of days and had a wonderful time. He wanted her to do it every week if possible. Their sex life was wonderful; they fulfilled each other needs and were exceptionally compatible in bed.

Sex is a beautiful thing, and it’s also like an addictive drug. They became careless and he wanted her daily. She became his drug of choice and when he saw her sometimes there were no words exchanged just stares, kisses and rough sex. They were crossing the line into another world. He became obsessed with her.

 

One day he sent her a text in the morning and told her she had to make a choice. She wrote him “goodbye.” He called her and they argued. She started to cry and told him he was ruining her life.

“But… I love you,” he would say.

And she would tell him it was not enough.

The stalking began and she had to get a third party involved. Affairs rarely turn out well. They’re deceitful and dangerous, because they were both playing with the other’s heart. She just called me a few weeks ago to tell me it was completely over, but she does miss him, and she did love him. Legally, he can’t call her, and its better they go their separate ways. She’s trying to build a sexual relationship with her husband and started talking to him about it. I suggested they go to a sex therapist.

Their story is all too common in today’s world. The pressure on husbands to make a living in this economy is really taking a toll on marriages. It’s very important for couples to keep the doors of communication open. People learn by their mistakes, and I’m sure she learned a valuable lesson. So, when you think an affair is tempting, think again. It just might ruin your marriage and your life!

 

 

5 Responses to “Why Do Women Cheat When They Are Married?”

  • Mark F:

    Human nature is such that we desire things we don’t have. The concept of “fidelity” is one which is not necessarily natural, but rather a socially prescribed form of behavior.

    This is not a “new” story – history of ages is wrought with salacious tales of adultery and complicated love lives, and has little to do with recent economic pressure on our personal lives. Or, more accurately, it goes far beyond this simple explanation.

    Sexual dissatisfaction can result from one of many reasons – boredom, exogenous pressure, marital stress, or simple availability of temptation.

    The key to a happy, successful marriage is communication, not simply monogamy. Indeed, there are a plenitude of happily married individuals who engage in open relationships, but we dare not speak of them since it’s considered taboo. I’m not saying “this” is the answer to cure all ails, but it’s evidence that a happy marriage can involve sex outside of the husband/wife relationship, as long as there is communication.

    Affairs result as a communication breakdown, whether intentional or out of ignorance. One partner is simply not happy with the status quo, and the other is either unwilling, unable or unknowing as how to adapt.

    I believe that we as a society put too much weight on the act of sex, which is a primary outlet and low order Maslowian fulfilment, when we should be focusing on the relationship. There are several alternates to simply “don’t cheat”: abstinence, masturbation, open relationships, or the other partner “giving it up more”, but until we can discuss sex in a more healthy and open fashion, we are doomed to the “gotcha” mechanism of blaming simply the “cheater” without examining underlying causes.

  • admin:

    I just wanted to say what a great blog you wrote on a very painful subject matter. It seems that affairs happen too often, and before you know it you’re involved and smitten with the other person. However, I recently went through a similar experience which left me empty and heartbroken. Unfortunately, we can’t control our hearts…can we? I’m trying to re-establish my life and keep busy. I smile when I think of her, because she was one of a kind.

    Trish, I check your site often because I loved your book, “When I Remember Love,” and am looking forward to the sequel, “Price Of Love.”

    Your fan,
    anonymous

  • Emma Santos:

    This is a hard topic to even write about, and very intriguing, every marriage is struggling to survive, and everyday is just a constant struggle, finances take a high peak, and the love and communication is lost, is hard to find peace of mind when you hardly spend time with you husband, especially if the communication is lost. Most women seek relationship outside their marriage thinking it will resolve her issues but instead it makes them worst, as women we need to learn the value of our marriage and what it once meant for us before making any mistakes of seeking only the sexual desires that our husbands cannot provide for us. I think men worry to much about their house income to be steady than worrying about their marriage, one of their biggest mistakes.

    Thanks Trish for such a valuable topic and lesson.

  • George:

    I was stunned at how similar the experience was between the woman with a woman who has a great husband but a passionless marriage above and my own experience which continues today after nearly 14 yes. I would love to share the details if anyone is interested.

  • siteadmin:

    George,

    Thank you for your comment. I am interested in your story,

    trish@trishsilver.com

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